Category Archives: friends

My Monthly Steroid Rant

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December 4, 2010

I wonder if a month will ever go by where I do not complain about steroids? I feel for those of you who read this blog; you must be saying to yourself, “Enough about those stupid steroids, how bad could they really be?” That’s probably what I would say if this were someone else’s blog and I were reading it.

But, I write here about what I know and about our daily life and I would be ignoring the elephant in the room if I didn’t say, once again, how much I hate steroids.

I came out of the bedroom this morning to my early birds, John and Tanner. Tanner makes fun of my “morning face” – eyes scrunched up against the light, shuffling walk, scowl. She and John spring out of bed at the crack of dawn each day, chipper and ready to go. But, this morning, I came out and Tanner said nothing. She didn’t even look up when I said good morning. When I made a spot for myself in the nest of blankets on the sofa, she just crawled silently into my lap and cried a little. Steroids. They’re back.

She did rally mid-morning and wanted to go to Target. She and Jake got Target gift cards from “Uncle” Larry and wanted to go spend them. Tanner wanted to use hers to buy a doll for her best friend Corinne who, unlike Tanner, did not ask for an American Doll for Christmas. Tanner wanted Corinne to be able to play dolls with her and was prepared to spend the entire amount on a doll for Corinne. When we got there, the dolls were on sale and she was able to buy herself something, too. As Corinne’s mom said, “She was being rewarded for her generous heart.” She’s so excited about giving the doll to Corinne.

Before we left the store, Tanner started not feeling well again. When we got home, she started to get out of the car and screamed in pain. Her leg was hurting from the steroids or the Vincristine – hard to tell which. I carried her into the house while she cried and said over and over again, “It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.” I put her on the sofa and went to the car to get our purchases when I heard a loud scream from inside the house – the kind that says someone is really hurt. I ran in and found her curled up on the hardwood floor, screaming. She had tried to go to the bathroom and fell on the way. Damn. I want to hold her and tell her it will go away, but I would be lying. We have to take the steroids for two more days, so it will likely get worse. So, I scoop her up carefully and take her to bathroom so she doesn’t have to walk and then I get her a dose of painkiller and tell her I hope it will help.

She spent most of the day in her room in bed watching TV. She just didn’t feel good. And, she won’t feel good again tomorrow. I told her I would take her to see Princess and the Frog after we dropped Jake off at school and she said, “I don’t think I’ll feel like it.”

We will repeat this cycle every month for another year and eight months. She will know that the pain and exhaustion will come back. She asked me today if she could use the “H” word to talk about steroids. I told her to let ‘er rip. “I hate steroids,” she screamed.

Throughout the day I would hear her get up and make her way slowly down the hall to the bathroom, wincing, crying out when it hurt particularly badly to walk. I would climb the stairs and scoop her up silently and carry her down the hall and wait for her so I could carry her back. There really isn’t anything I can say to make it better.

Recently, she asked me why the doctors made a medicine that made her feel so bad. “Why would they make chemo if it makes me so sick?” she said. The only answer to that question doesn’t seem appropriate for a six-year-old, but unfortunately, none of this is appropriate for a six-year-old. I told her that a long time ago, before they had chemo, people died from leukemia, so when they discovered chemo and realized that it could “fix” leukemia, people were happy to take it. They were happy to know that they would live. So, even though it makes people feel bad to take it, we should be thankful there is chemo at all. I tried to avoid the obvious, but as usual, nothing gets by Tanner. She said, very matter of factly, “Taking chemo is better than dying.”

So, I will probably continue to gripe monthly about these damn steroids. “Better than dying” just shouldn’t be good enough. I want to be grateful to these drugs, but oh, it is hard these five days of the month.

I know she will feel better in a few days, but it’s still so painful to watch her hurt and know we signed her up for it. Know that I administer the pill that makes her so sick.

Love,
Beth

Clinic Day # 26

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December 31, 2009

Standing room only in the infusion room at Vanderbilt Children’s today. A run on chemo. I’ve never seen it so crowded. Tanner, Jake and I actually sat on the floor. There were people standing around everywhere. Some parents were actually rude enough to remain sitting while kids needing chemo were left to stand waiting. Crazy.

Tanner’s counts were perfect – in leukemia world, that is. Her neutraphils were at 1,700 (the doctors want them between 1,000 and 2,000 during long-term maintenance). They were at 16,000 on Monday when she went to the ER with a fever. The body is an amazing thing. The good news is that, for now, they’re not raising her chemo levels… AND we don’t have to go into clinic for FOUR WEEKS! Good grief… we won’t know what to do with ourselves.

Everyone seems to be feeling better today. Of course, the steroids should fix that for Tanner. In addition, she got a dose of Vincristine today and will get an oral methotrexate pill tonight. The methotrexate seems to wipe her out the next day and make her feel bad for a little while. So, it probably won’t be the best week, but maybe we’ll be able to play a little tomorrow.

While the nurse was pushing Tanner’s Vincristine into her port, Jake said, “What are you doing to Tanner?” Cari replied, “I’m giving her medicine that will make her feel better.” Tanner said, very deadpan, “It doesn’t make me feel better, it makes me feel crappy.” Well said.

Love,
Beth

A Very Merry Christmas

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December 28, 2009

Thank you for all the prayers and good wishes for our Christmas travel. We did make it to my parents’ house in Atlanta on Christmas Eve and had a great time. My brother’s girls are 9 and 5, so Tanner was in heaven – two playmates for three straight days. Jake developed quite an attachment to my neice, Mary Mike, the 9-year-old… he was constantly asking, “Where’s that girl?”

Tanner finds a willing shoulder in her cousin, Erin, after a fun, but tiring day.

The best part of the whole weekend was that, for Tanner, I think it seemed as normal as possible. There really wasn’t anything that her cousins could do that she couldn’t. They played hard… really hard. At the end of every day, Tanner was exhausted and would come to me and ask to go to bed by 6 pm. But, she was having fun and it was a little “vacation” from the limitations of cancer. Thank you Mary Mike and Erin for giving Jake and Tanner so much love and attention!

Tanner and her new doll beds

Santa was good to the kids. In addition to an American Girl doll for Tanner and a Shake and Go Racetrack for Jake, he surprised them with a big bouncy house that Santa put up in the basement of my parents’ house. I think Mary Mike summed up their reaction best when they rounded the basement stairs and saw the 9 x 9 inflated castle… “Holy Cow!” she said!!! Needless to say, they jumped all weekend long. Great exercise for Tanner’s legs. The bouncy castle came home with us and is in the basement of our new house waiting for us to move in.

We even got to experience a little church on Christmas Eve. We found a little glass prayer chapel at the back of the church that overlooked the sanctuary and watched some of the service from there. Tanner got to wear her pretty Christmas dress and get dressed up, just like her cousins.

On our way to church

We were still all somewhat sick for the week. We were coughing and sniffing and, ironically, probably gave something to my family members who had worked so valiantly to stay healthy so we could come. My Mom is sick already.

I thought Tanner was getting better today, but this afternoon started feeling bad and we found she had a fever by bedtime. She and John are at the ER as I write this, waiting for counts to determine whether they are high enough for her to be able to get IV antibiotics and come home or whether she will have to stay. We are all unbelievably weary of this routine and, although I am trying to be grateful for the break in illness that allowed us to travel for Christmas, I just really wish we could catch a break for a while.

So, pray for her that her immune system isn’t shot from being so tired over the holidays and that she fights off whatever this is. Pray that we will have the stamina to endure more of the stress of this disease. Pray that Tanner will continue to have the will to fight.

Today, Tanner said to me, “Mom, I have a job.”

“Really?” I replied. “What is your job?” expecting to hear that she was a hairdresser or a nurse.

“I’m fighting leukemia,” she said.

Keep it up big girl… keep it up.

Love,
Beth

Clinic Day #25

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Tanner and I waiting for Jake's Christmas program to start

Tanner and I waiting for Jake's Christmas program to start

December 17, 2009

Hitch up the sled, we’re flying to Christmas!!!! Tanner’s neutraphil count today was 2,750!!!! That’s even higher than it was 2 weeks ago! We were given the all-clear to go to John’s Mom’s tomorrow and to my parents’ next week. We don’t even have to go in for counts next week! Hallelujah!!!!

Tanner and I high-fived and we hugged nurse Carie and then she forbade me to cry happy tears. When we got out of clinic, we skyped John from the hospital lobby; he was at our church with our Children’s Minister and we told them the happy news. You have no idea how I am breathing a sigh of huge relief not mention joy at being able to spend the holidays among family!!!

After hearing the good news, Tanner and I ran for the hospital pharmacy to fill a few prescriptions, grabbed a bite to eat while we waited, and drove at breakneck pace to get to Jake’s Christmas Program at school at 11 am. Thank you Sissie for holding the program for us (we were a few minutes late!). Right when we got there, Jake’s class came in. We were really worried that Jake would pull a repeat of last year’s performance. Last year, he made it through the back door of the church, saw us, burst into tears and refused to participate any further. So, we snuck in the back and hid ourselves from view. No worries… he was a jingle belling maniac! He came into the back door and bolted to the altar where he stood, ringing his bell and waiting for the rest of the class to catch up to him. He stood there, not singing, but ringing his bell with a huge grin on his face. Then, he saw John who had snuck up the side to take video (It’s hard to hide, when you are as tall as John is). He must have yelled, “Daddy!!!” five or six times during the performance and even made some weird noises and funny faces that had the crowd laughing. Tanner and I giggled hysterically. It was such a treat for her to be able to participate in something like that. She was really proud of him and even got to see a few friends.

Jake and Ms. Julie singing Jingle Bells

Jake and Ms. Julie singing Jingle Bells

Amongst our great happiness today, there is one tiny bad thing (why does there always have to be a bad thing?). If her counts stay this high over the next couple of clinic visits, they will have to up her dose of chemo. Not really what we want, if you can imagine. She’s at a 100% dose right now and they can up it to 125% at max, I think. I really don’t relish the idea that she could take more chemo, but they want her counts to stay between 1,000 and 2,000 to assure that they are affecting any leukemia cells that might try to make a comeback.

But, we will cross that bridge when we come to it. Right now, we will joyfully pack, clean the car and get the oil changed, wrap last minute presents and make a cheese grits casserole before we pile in the car tomorrow headed for Jackson, TN. We’ll be back on Saturday night in time to light the advent candles at church on Sunday morning, regroup (do the laundry) and repack to head for Atlanta on Wednesday.

Thank you to everyone who prayed and send well wishes. And, thank you God for recognizing that we couldn’t take any more disappointment.

Love,
Beth

The Breaking Point

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December 16,2009

Tomorrow is a pivotal day. We go to clinic in the morning for counts. The results will likely determine the course of our holidays – joyful and with lots of family, or a little less joyful and by ourselves at home. I feel like this will be the breaking point for Tanner… and possibly for me, too. We want — no we need – a change of scenery and a chance to forget about cancer, even if only for a few days. The thing is, Tanner feels really good these days. It’s hard sometimes for me to remember to give her midday medicine because she seems so normal. But, still, we’re reminded every day by the places we cannot go and things we cannot do, that she is not normal. Being able to spend the holidays among family would be as close to normal as we have had since diagnosis. I don’t know how I will console her if her counts are too low to go.

The stress of everything depending upon this count check has definitely gotten to Tanner. She has begun in the last few weeks to act out and has steadily gotten worse. We haven’t seen this type of behavior from her since her stint of acting out after diagnosis. What seemed to help her then, and I believe will help her now, is our play therapist, Allison. It is so weird, but without ever talking to Tanner about leukemia or her difficulties with it, Allison is able to help Tanner work out her feelings through play. She says Tanner is very transparent in her play. Last week, Tanner forced animals and dolls to drink “toilet water,” telling them they had to do it and if they didn’t, she would have to hold them down and make them drink it. I think toilet water is actually a really good analogy for chemo.

Tanner is also anxious about moving. What started out as a really positive thing has turned into a source of anxiety. She is nervous about leaving her friend, Corinne, and about meeting new kids in the neighborhood when she has no hair. She has also started obsessing about the dog we lost several months ago, Millie. She writes her notes and puts them on her ashes urn and talks about her all the time. She is afraid to leave the room I am in and won’t go upstairs without either Jake or me with her. She is still sleepwalking and having nightmares, although she is sleeping better than she was several weeks ago. It’s heartbreaking to watch her self-destruct this way. She is eaten alive by anxiety and it manifests itself in bad behavior.

So, please pray for us in the morning. We need good counts. We need a break. I don’t want to have to tell her, yet again, that we will miss something important to her.

Love,
Beth

House Calls

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December 15, 2009

Well, Jake’s school stint lasted two days. He has a cold and I had to keep him home today. He missed his Christmas party, bless his heart. And, I was supposed to take Tanner to see Princess and the Frog while he was at school, so that was also a no go. We’re hoping Tanner doesn’t catch the cold and end up spending Christmas at the hospital.

BUT, the day was saved by a special visitor… Tanner’s favorite ER nurse, Blaire, came to play. Seriously, how amazing is that? Blaire was Tanner’s nurse back in March when Tanner was lifeflighted to Vanderbilt for a Bactrim reaction. All that long night, while John and I sat in chairs and hung on to hope that Tanner would make it through the night, and that someone would figure out what was wrong with her and be able to fix it, Blair was there. She was quiet and competent and sweet to my child and to John and I.

The next time we were in the Vanderbilt ER was on May 30; the pediatrician had sent us in after having spent most of the night at Williamson Medical Center’s ER with excruciating back pain. We were sent home having been told that Tanner was constipated. The next morning, after not sleeping for most of the night due to the pain, Tanner developed a fever and we went to the pediatrician’s office. They sent us to Vanderbilt where she had numerous tests and were told that she most likely had leukemia. Again, Blaire was there, this time with Megan (who Tanner also loves). I think going through that kind of trauma bonds you in a strange, but powerful, way. Blaire and Megan came to visit Tanner while she was in the hospital that first week, even bringing gifts for her. They said they rarely get to see what happens to their patients after they leave the ER. We thought they were amazing.

A month ago, Tanner needed a blood transfusion and John took her to the ER. Guess who was there?!!! Blaire! I think it’s unusual to keep getting the same nurse like that when there are so many shifts and the Vanderbilt Children’s ER is so big.

Blaire contacted me through the blog the other day. She said she had the week off and would love to come play with Tanner. Of course, we said yes. Today, she and Tanner danced, dressed up Build-a-Bears, played restaurant and doctor, and even played wii. Tanner loved it. She needed it. I don’t have the stamina to play with that kind of intensity anymore… I’m burnt out on pretending.

I think it is amazing for a nurse that sees sick kids all day at work to choose to spend her time off with a sick kid. But, honestly, that’s been our experience at Vanderbilt. John and I say constantly how awesome it is that the people that work there are unfailingly compassionate. For example, when Tanner has a CT scan, you can only imagine that she is the 20th kid the tech has scanned that day, but you would never know it. They are kind to her, and kind to us. They genuinely care.

We are so fortunate to have a hospital like Vanderbilt so close by. I keep up with the CaringBridge site of a little girl named Kinsee that has T-cell ALL and just had a bone marrow transplant. She lives in a small town in West Tennessee and travels to St. Jude for treatment. When she is in intensive phases of treatment or her counts are low, she and her mom have to live at the Ronald McDonald House or the Target House. I can’t imagine how disruptive this is during what is already an unbelievably stressful ordeal.

Today, Blair reminded us of just how lucky we are. Not only do we live 20 minutes from Vanderbilt, they make house calls! I meant to take a picture of Tanner and Blaire for the post, but forgot. Tanner says Blaire took some with her phone. Maybe she’ll send them to me (hint, hint) and I’ll post them if she doesn’t mind.

Love,
Beth

A Weekend Out

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December 6, 2009

Everyone got out this weekend. John and I even got out twice without the kids! And, Tanner got to go to Target; the first time we’ve been to a store in months.

Saturday, our good friends Keith and Leslie came to babysit the kids while John and I went hardwood floor and carpet shopping and had lunch out together. They had a ball and by the time we came home, Jake was in his bed napping and Tanner was on the sofa with her feet in Leslie’s lap napping in front of the TV. That means they had a really good time! Poor Tanner didn’t feel good for most of the rest of the afternoon, though. The steroids have taken effect. She’s a little difficult to reason with and pretty emotional. She is also tired; she started asking to go to bed last night at 5:45 and was asleep before 6:30 without even eating dinner.

She had a playdate with Corinne today at our house… such a treat to play with other kids. Then, my best friend Kim came over to babysit so John and I could finish up some Christmas shopping. Tanner didn’t feel good before we left and cried for me to not go. But, Aunt Kim, always prepared, brought Christmas cookies to decorate and they had a really good time.

It’s a shame that as soon as she has gotten some freedom back, she had to start a five-day pulse of steroids. Poor thing, I put the Christmas decorations up today, and we usually all go outside to look at them and ooh and ahh when I am finished. Tanner didn’t even want to get out of the chair where she was watching TV under a blanket. She said, “No thank you” and rolled over to the TV again. Just blah. She just has 3 more days of the steroids, though, so hopefully it won’t get too bad.

Hope you all had a nice weekend and are feeling the magic of the season.

Love,
Beth

Clinic Day #24

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December 4, 2009

Holy neutraphils Batman!!! Went to clinic today hoping to be over 1000 and found out Tanner had 2000 neutraphils!!! FREEDOMMMMMMMMMM!

We came home after a dose of IV Vincristine and a lumbar puncture with methotrexate under sedation; I was exhausted, but Tanner was raring to go. She went to her best friend Corinne’s house for her family birthday celebration. They ate tacos and ice cream cake and PLAYED. Tanner was indescribably happy. The playdate drought is over, at least for now.

All of Tanner’s counts were great. She had a normal hemoglobin level and her platelets were actually very high. We haven’t seen numbers that high in a while. She started a five-day steroid pulse and oral chemo tonight, though, so the high counts probably won’t last. We will go back to clinic in two weeks (yes, the first time in more than 6 months we haven’t had to go for a weekly clinic visit) to check her counts and adjust her chemo, if necessary. This begins the game of trying to find just the right amount of 6MP and oral methotrexate to keep her counts steadily between 1,000 and 2,000 for Long Term Maintenance.

It felt weird to let her go to Corinne’s house… like she was naked and unprotected. We’ve gotten used to being so careful. It will be so nice to be able to get out and see a movie or even go to the mall at an off time (is there an off-time at the mall during this season?). We are still going to be cautious, though. The last thing we want is to be in the hospital for Christmas.

After an unsteady start, this week has become a good one with lots of things to celebrate. First, there was Santa. Now good counts and some much needed freedom. And, lastly, we have a contract on a house that we are so excited about.

If you’ve been reading Tanner Time all along, you might remember that we had a contract on a house in Brentwood when Tanner was diagnosed in June. The owners were kind enough to let us out of the contract due to the circumstances. Stability was key… and still is, frankly. But, we have a tiny postage stamp of a yard now and have really felt it on the many days when we couldn’t go out to the nearby cul-de-sac and school fields to play because we were afraid to run into other kids. We have been searching for a house with room to romp and found the perfect house with lots of yard and a basement (Tanner loves this) that is on a cul-de-sac. It will mean a lot in days to come to have so much space when we can’t get out.

The house is not in our school district, but Moore Elementary, where Tanner goes, has been kind enough to let her attend the remainder of this year and next year so Tanner can finish treatment before we switch schools. The new neighborhood is just down the road from where we live now, so we will still be close to our Moore’s Landing friends. All these factors were extremely important to us. I think it will be hard when Tanner returns to school. She is a pretty confident kid, but being bald and pale and having a disease other kids can’t even pronounce will test even the strongest self-esteem. She worries about being “different” and is scared other kids will make fun of her. The kids at Moore know about her and have been so supportive and loving. She feels safe there and we are grateful they have understood our situation enough to allow us to do this without making her switch schools immediately.

Tonight, as Tanner went to sleep, she asked me for something good to think about to keep the bad dreams away. I wasn’t stumped this time. I rattled off a whole bunch of things including playdates, our new house, the new dog we’ll get when we get there, going to see Princess and the Frog next week, decorating our Christmas tree, etc., etc., etc.

It’s good to be back.

Love,
Beth

Christmas Has Arrived!

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December 2, 2009

I’ve been having a hard time getting in the Christmas spirit. Our tree is up, but is not decorated. We still have pumpkins on the front porch. I haven’t bought even the first Christmas present.

But today, Christmas came to us. My friend, Pat, had sent me an email several days ago saying a surprise would be delivered to us one morning this week. This morning, I got a call from a man saying he had a special delivery and would be to our house shortly. I told Tanner there was a surprise on the way and she and Jake were glued to the front windows asking me every 2 minutes when the surprise would be there.

Within 10 minutes, a black pick-up truck pulled up to the house with a special driver… Santa Claus was behind the wheel!

I yelled to Tanner, “It’s Santa in the truck!” Tanner and Jake began screaming and we opened the door to watch him as he came up the walk in the drizzle and brought us our sopping newspaper out of the yard. I think I was every bit as excited as the kids.

We invited Santa in and he hugged Tanner and then picked her up and carried her to the couch where they began talking about what she wanted for Christmas. Jake was a little leary at first, but warmed up pretty quickly and I was able to take pictures of them both on Santa’s lap after Jake told him he wanted a motorcycle and Tanner told him she wanted an American Girl doll.

IMG_1310We spent about 10 or 15 minutes with Santa before he had to go tend to important seasonal business. He hugged Jake and Tanner and told him he loved them. Then, he turned and hugged me. I felt the Santa magic… really. As we embraced, I whispered in his ear, “You have no idea what this means to us. I never dreamed we would be able to take this picture or that she would be able to sit on your lap this year.” Santa pulled back and held me by the shoulders and said, “That’s why I came; because I knew you couldn’t come to me.”

I cried, of course. And, Tanner got embarrassed and told me to go away if I was going to cry! We stood on the porch waving and yelling, “Merry Christmas, Santa!” as he drove away.

Just days before, Tanner had asked me when we were going to sit on Santa’s lap. I hesitated, trying to find a gentle way to prepare her for the fact that we probably weren’t going to get to sit on Santa’s lap due to the crowds. I started by saying, “We’ll have to ask Dr. Mixan about that,” but I didn’t have to finish. She already knew. She paused a moment and then said, “I have an idea, Mom. You take Jake to sit on Santa’s lap and he can give Santa my list.” She wasn’t overly upset about it; and that’s what broke my heart. She didn’t even expect to be able to sit on Santa’s lap this year. It was like she knew already that this kind of thing just wasn’t going to happen for her.

IMG_1308I don’t have to open any of my presents this Christmas to know that this will be my favorite Christmas gift. Christmas came to our house. Not on a snowy night in a sled pulled by reindeer, but in a black pick-up truck in the rain.

I could assume that my friend Pat told Santa we needed a personal visit this year. But, I prefer to think that Santa already knew and just asked Pat to call us to let us know he was coming. Either way, it was magic.

Love,
Beth

Clinic Day #23

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November 25, 2009

I wish I had taken a picture. Lily, Tanner’s friend who also has ALL, was at clinic today. She, Tanner, Sara (the child life specialist), and two other little girls sat around a table in the middle of the clinic and played UNO. Tanner and Lily were accessed, with tubes hanging out the bottom of their shirts. One of the other kids had an IV pole. It was such a normal scene in the middle of an abnormal situation and was testament to the fact that kids will find a way to be kids, no matter what is going on with them.

When we were getting ready to leave, Tanner and Lily sat next to each other in infusion chairs to remove the sticky patch placed over their ports to keep the needle stable. Lily casually said, “Tanner, do you need some Remove? I have some you can use.” Tanner took the little packets and then both of them pulled up their shirts and began rubbing the pads along the patch to try to loosen the sticky stuff. They each worked for a couple of minutes getting the patch off, then Lily unceremoniously pulled her own needle out and handed it to her Mom while Tanner asked if I would take hers out instead of waiting for the nurse. She looked so impressed that Lily took her own needle out and I told her it must be because Lily is eight. “Ohhhhh,” Tanner said, as if that made perfect sense. It was hilarious and reminded me that there are good moments to be found in even the most challenging circumstances.

We were so hoping to find out Tanner’s neutraphil counts had risen to at least 750 today so we could spend Thanksgiving with John’s family, but it just didn’t happen that way. Tanner’s counts had gone up just 60 points since last week and were at just 440. Anything below 500 is considered severely neutrapenic and as Tanner’s nurse said, “I wouldn’t risk it if it were my daughter.” That was all I needed to hear.

Tanner was really disappointed. She burst into tears right there in the clinic and cried several times on the way to the car. But, as always, she found a way to be happy. She and I are going to cook Thanksgiving dinner together tomorrow – something we have never done and she is very excited about. Anyone who knows me knows I don’t “cook” so much as “heat,” so cooking with Mommy is a real treat.

As always, people are so kind to us. Lauren, in John’s office is bringing us a fried turkey, my friend Kim is supplying a pumpkin pie and Ashley is giving me some of her cranberries. That leaves a couple of side dishes for Tanner and I, which I am capable of.

Hopefully, Tanner’s counts will continue to rise and we can start Long Term Maintenance next week. It wasn’t really expected that they would be any higher than the were today; this is just part of this phase of treatment and why they give the kids two weeks off chemo for counts recovery. She probably bottomed out on Sunday or Monday and has just started to climb. No big deal if they aren’t up high enough to start next week, we’ll just wait another week. But, the sooner we start, the sooner she will get to the point where we can have a little more freedom. Freedom is more valuable than gold and diamonds to us right now.

I’m off to blow the dust off a cookbook or two.

Love,
Beth