I started out today in a funk, wishing Tanner felt better, wanting her to get up because the doctor and the P.T. said she should be able to, frustrated with the whole situation. I think we all learned a lot today. We upped her pain meds, which made a world of difference. She stayed awake longer, was much less whiny, sat up a lot on her own and even went outside some (around the block in a wagon, and in the back yard watching Jake play). We decided to trust her, not the doctors, when trying to determine what she is capable of doing right now and how much pain she is in. We didn’t push as much and she didn’t resist as much. We held our ground when we needed to and gave her as much control as we could over things that didn’t matter. Everything went better. In fact, we had the best medicine taking time that we’ve had in days. She actually accepted that she had to take it and was a trooper. She even opened up a little and told me she was really mad at the leukemia and mad at being sick. Amen little sister… you said a mouthful.
I think we’re finally realizing this is going to be a long, long process and there will be good days and bad days. On the good days we should make the best of them and not take them for granted. On the bad days, we’ll just hole up and sleep and cry if that makes us feel better… another good day will come.
Thank you all for the unending outpouring of support, good food, thoughtful gifts and prayers. We could not do this without you… really. And, if for some reason, we don’t remember to thank you with a personal email (I am not even going to attempt to write actual thank you notes for the many, many kindnesses, even though my Mother taught me better), please know we appreciated it mightily, but were busy kicking cancer’s butt and didn’t get it done. Please forgive us.
I’ll leave you with one sweet thought that came from the innocence of my two-year-old son. Jake adores Tanner and is so confused by her sudden disinterest in playing. Today when she was laying on the sofa, he reached down and gently rubbed her leg and then patted her really softly. He then laid his head down on her leg and smiled one of his best irresistible grins. Then, he stood up and said, “Yay! Jake made her better!”
Yeah, buddy, we’re all making her better with love.
Beth