Tanner has been in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat this week. Great show! Enjoy the pictures!

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150255200882798.333650.91027177797

Tanner’s theatre group put on an awesome show last week and raised $1,300 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Take a look at the article in the Tennessean this morning:
http://www.tennessean.com/article/20110724/WILLIAMSON01/307240030/Act-Too-kids-honor-one-their-own

Also, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat tickets are now available online or by calling the Boilerroom Theatre. Tanner is in the younger cast, which is performing Thursday at 7 pm, Saturday at 3 pm and Sunday at 7 pm. http://www.acttooplayers.com/

14 days until Tanner takes her last chemo pill! Woot Woot!

Love,
Beth

July 14, 2011

Tomorrow marks a major milestone for us… Tanner’s very last IV chemo and lumbar puncture with chemo! It’s surreal to think this will be the last time she gets Vincristine through her port – or any chemo through her port for that matter. After tomorrow, she’ll continue to take her oral chemo until August 6 and then, NO MO CHEMO!!!

She also starts her last 5-day steroid pulse. We should probably be celebrating that the most! If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, I am sure you have heard me spew hatred at the evil steroids. In all reality, they cause her more side effects than the chemo.

Tanner has not really been able to look forward to this being her last time. She is too paralyzed with fear and anxiety over the LP. I’m hoping after we get this over with, she’ll ease up and be a little more excited about finishing this mess.

She has her lumbar puncture at 11:30, which means we will get home sometime around 1:30 or so. From 3-5 pm, she has a rehearsal for Disney on Stage that she insists she is making… and unless she is throwing up, she probably will. Then, on to the Fish Fry at Bethlehem United Methodist Church. Our church hosts about 3,000 people for Fish Fry and has a great children’s area with inflatables, etc. It will be interesting to see how long Tanner lasts.

Saturday brings more Disney on Stage rehearsal and the show itself at 2 pm. Disney on Stage is a coffee house benefit show conceived of and directed by some teens at Act Too Players, which is Tanner’s theatre group. All proceeds are benefitting the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in Tanner’s honor. You can find more info at http://nashville.broadwayworld.com/article/Local-Teens-Take-to-the-Stage-716-for-Leukemia-Foundation-20110713

Tanner’s also been rehearsing Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. It’s such a funny show with a great story… kids will love it… very colorful. Tickets are on sale now at the Boilerroom Theatre at the Factory and can be purchased over the phone at 794-7744. The shows are at 7 pm on July 28, 3 pm on July 30 and 7 pm on July 31.

Like I said, big week.

Love,
Beth

July 8, 2011

I’m sitting on Tanner’s mattress, which is on the floor in the media room of the basement… next door to the room where five little girls are watching “Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure” on the flat screen. They’re in sleeping bags, but so far, no one’s asleep at 11:18 pm. They’re quiet, though, so I think I’m winning the battle.

It was a raucous good time tonight. Seven eight-year-old girls threw water balloons, slid down the slide into a blow up pool, put on make-up and dresses and had a fashion show/talent show, toasted marshmallows and ate s’mores, smashed a piñata, caught fireflies, played musical chairs, ate hot dogs, ate cake, opened presents, set up a carnival and performed nearly all of Sleeping Beauty the musical. Whew! How do they get that much energy?

If you haven’t guessed, today is Tanner’s eighth birthday and despite all the fun and frivolity, the sobering thought crossed my mind to be thankful that she made it to eight at all.

She and I had a frank conversation two days ago on another milestone day… July 6. Exactly one month (31 days) until her last day of chemo. I pointed it out to her on the calendar and we counted the days, but she did it with no joy. I told myself that she just needed to get through next week’s LP (lumbar puncture) before she would get excited, but I suspected that she feels a little of what we feel – that ending chemo, although wonderful, is also a little scary. Chemo is a safety net of sorts. It keeps the cancer cells away.

Later, I asked her if she was excited about finishing and she, unconvincingly, said, “Yeah, sure.” I pushed her a little further and she seemed like she was trying to come up with the right answer to my question. I told her that I wasn’t trying to tell her how to feel about it, I was asking her to tell me how she really felt. She struggled so I prompted, “You seem nervous or scared.” She hesitated and answered, “Scared.”

“What are you scared of?” I asked. “I’m scared of the LP she said,” and then, in a very small voice she added, “and, that the leukemia will come back.” Uggghhh… the moment of truth I hoped not to have.

“It happens to some people… very few,” I admitted, “but I don’t think it will happen to you.”

“Why not me?” she asked. And, then we talked for a while about how her body had done just what the doctors thought it would all along the way. That her counts had gone down when they were supposed to and up when they were supposed to, and that she had spent some time sick in the hospital, but never for anything that was surprising to the doctors. And, since her body was doing just what the doctors expected, we should be able to expect that the leukemia will stay away, just like it’s supposed to.

“I hope that we will just walk away from all this, T, and never look back,” I said.

“You HOPE?” she said, accusingly.

“I believe,” I restated.

Then, we talked about worrying and how it just doesn’t change anything, but it robs you of joy. And, how John and I would let her know when there was something to worry about, but until then, she should just enjoy not having to take chemo and miss so much school and feeling better.

But, I know she will worry, and so will I. I’ll do my best to shove it to the background, but the reality is, it’s scary. It’s terrifying, if I’m being honest, to think that it could come back… I just don’t know how we would do this again.

So, it’s been an odd week. We’re celebrating wildly, but we’re worrying a little too. It’s kind of bittersweet.

As long as there are sleepover parties, though, to remind you that you are only young once, we can shove worry back to it’s proper place… in the background.

It’s now 11:43… and no one is asleep…

Love,
Beth