Monthly Archives: February 2010

On the Mend

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February 4, 2010

Tanner finally is feeling better today. After having spent the last two days pretty much in bed, she got up today and played. The antibiotic that she is on for the ear infection has been pretty rough on her stomach and she still isn’t sleeping well (steroids cause sleeplessness), so we’re all a little tired, but she isn’t coughing as much and had more energy today to play.

We bought valentines today for her class and decorated a valentine box in anticipation of being in school that week (I hope, I hope, I hope). We’ve laid low this week and hope that on Monday we find her counts are up enough to go back to school next week.

Speaking of school, those wonderful kids at Moore Elementary raised more than twice their goal in the Pennies for Patients campaign. They raised $2,042 to help fight leukemia and lymphoma. Amazing! On Monday night, the school board is presenting an award to the school and to another in the district that also did a campaign for a child with cancer there. The principal has asked Tanner to come to the meeting with her to help receive the award. I hope her counts allow it.

She was on the news last week; a story about the campaign. They want to do a follow-up when Tanner returns to school and a local newspaper wants to do the same. Very cool. Tanner will just hate that attention (wink, wink).

We’re in a bit of a rut. I think we’re all waiting for something to happen. I find us watching too much television and playing too much wii these days. I really hope she can go to school next week – she really needs a change of scenery, interaction with other kids and a challenge for that quick brain of hers. And, Jake and I could do some things that he has missed over the past 9 months – the library, his gym class, playgroup, etc. He needs to have more friends his age – boys, preferably. So, I’m looking forward to being able to focus on him a little. He’s turning 3 this month and we’ve planned a fun birthday party at our new house and bought him a much bigger present than we usually buy for the kids. He deserves to be in the spotlight for a day.

We’re hoping to be able to go visit our potential new dog this weekend… in prison! He is part of a prison dog-training program that pairs dogs destined for euthanization and prisoners in a intense three-month training program that teaches prisoners job skills and responsibility and gives the dogs a second chance at life. We hope to end up with a nice, trained dog to complete our family. A dog to take Millie’s place at the end of Tanner’s bed and calm the fears that a six-year-old shouldn’t have. A dog to motivate me to get up and walk in the morning to have some me-time and get some much needed exercise. A dog for Jake to lay on and throw a ball for. A dog to keep John company when he falls asleep on the couch. We can’t wait.

Waiting for lots of good things to happen. Impatient for them to get here.

Love,
Beth

A Setback

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February 2, 2010

I spent most of yesterday trying to convince myself that my glass is half full. It is. I know it is. But, there are times when it is harder to remember than others.

Lurking in the recesses of our recent good news about school was a cold Tanner was fighting. Yesterday morning, she woke up with her ear hurting. Rather than drive all the way to the hospital, I ran by the pediatrician’s office. They were awesome. They took us right back so we didn’t have to wait in the germy lobby and, of course, Tanner had an ear infection. They have been a long-standing problem for Tanner.

Our pediatrician called our oncologist, Dr. Mixan, who said he wanted Tanner to have a Rocefin shot in addition to oral antibiotics. Rocefin is a broad-range antibiotic that Tanner typically gets through her port any time we go to the hospital with a fever. “A shot?” I repeated. “What kind of s-h-o-t are we talking about here?” Not pleasant, she said. Tanner has a huge issue with shots, but has no problem getting a big needle put into her port in her chest (go figure) so we decided to go to clinic and get the antibiotic via her port. It took longer, but saved us a lot of trauma, screaming and holding her down.

It was a good thing we went. Her counts had dropped across the board. Her neutraphils dropped to 960 from 3300. Which, of course, means back on the restricted diet and no school until they go back up. Tanner cried. She had wanted a salad for lunch so badly. They did a chest x-ray, which we never heard any results on so I assume it was negative.

It’s hard for good news to be so fleeting. For the celebration to constantly be in so much jeopardy. I found myself wishing we had not made such a big deal about going back to school or about being able to eat whatever she wants. Less disappointment that way.

I think my disappointment must have been very visible. Tanner’s nurse, Cari, said gently, “It’s just an ear infection, Beth. She’ll get over it quickly.” And, she’s right. It could be so much worse. I had a pep talk with myself in the car on the way home. This is a long journey and I had no right to expect it to be smooth at this point. I can’t allow myself to be tired when there is so far to go. If I expect Tanner to keep fighting, I have to keep fighting.

So, it took all day (and I mean ALL day) to get to see the glass half full. It is. She’s alive and that, alone, is everything to be thankful for. But, more than that, we have joy. Even if it is fleeting, it is worth having. Living to avoid disappointment is not living at all and that would be a disservice to the fight that she is fighting.

She is not feeling real great this morning. It’s the last day of steroids (hurray) and that’s never a real great day for her. Add the ear infection and she is pretty miserable. We’ll lay low and, hopefully, wait for another celebration to come.

Love,
Beth