the bottomless pit

Good grief!!!  You have never seen a child eat until you have seen one on high dosage steroids!  It is a full-time job just keeping her fed.  Two-and-a-half rice and cheese tacos, tortellini, chex mix, oranges, chex mix, two bagels with cream cheese, chex mix, etc., etc., etc.  She ate cheese nips at least three different times in the middle of the night last night.  She wakes up at night and talks about the food she will eat the next morning and begins planning her next meal before she even finishes the one she is eating.  Food, food, food.

Each day we get further away from the chemo she gains a little energy.  She still lays down most of the time and sleeps a lot, but she has more moments when she seems like herself.  Unfortunately, tomorrow is her last day before chemo on Tuesday.  We’ll try to make the most of it.

What I really can’t wait for is for the end of these steroids.  They have robbed us of our child.  She is lethargic and depressed then obstinate and agitated.  She isn’t my bubbly child.  She has no enthusiasm for anything.  Her birthday is in two weeks.  She told me today she didn’t want to have a birthday party at all… she didn’t care.  I have booked her a birthday party at build-a-bear during her week break between this first stage of chemo (induction) and the next (consolidation).  By the day of her party, she will have not had steroids or chemo for two weeks.  I’m hoping she’ll feel really good and change her mind.  Her doctor will allow us to do it during that week because typically white blood counts will rise without the chemo.  Build-a-bear has graciously agreed to let us in before the store opens at 9 am so that she is not in a crowd of kids (another of the doctor’s stipulations).  I want this to be special for her.  I don’t want it to be yet another thing we lost to leukemia.

So, we have 14 more days of steroids and then, maybe, we’ll get her back.  She’ll have to take the steroids again later, but I think for only 5 days out of the month.  Pray for our patience during the next two weeks so we can get through this.

Thank you all for your continued support.  We are lucky beyond description to have such friends and family.   We love you all.


4 thoughts on “the bottomless pit

  1. That sounds like Michael Phelps’ eating regimine!! Eating is good, though, and it will help her build more physical strength. By the time it’s birthday party time, I’ll bet she will be glad you went ahead with her party!

    Hugs, kisses, love, and constant prayers for all of you.

  2. When Lily was going through induction, I felt like we had lost our happy and sweet little grandgirl. She was angry, sad, anti-social – and ate ALL the time. A few days after the steroids ended, our happy and sweet little girl was back. It makes you wonder why athletes – or anyone – would voluntarily take steroids. The side effects are awful. Tanner’s bubbly personality will be back. And the weight she gains now will be helpful for those times later when she doesn’t want to eat anything. Good luck.

  3. Thanks, Carol, for weighing in. I did talk to Larisa the other day because I was so worried about Tanner’s complete apathy, but she assured me the same thing… once the steroids are gone, we’ll get her back. I can’t wait. I miss her.


  4. Yeah, Tanner! You are such a trooper!

    Beth, your blog is a gift to those that love you, and will be the greatest gift Tanner could ever receive when she looks back on this 30 years from now. She’ll of course remember how much her parents loved her every day, but reading your words when she’s a Mom will be the best legacy a Mom could give her daughter.

    Thank you for helping us stay in touch with you guys and reminding us how every moment is precious. Yeah, God!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *