Stumbling Blocks

March 23, 2010

Tanner woke up on Sunday morning with a cold or allergies, hard to tell which. She sneezed all day and was stuffy. Monday morning she seemed no better so we kept her home from school and gave Claritin a try. She didn’t sneeze as much and, aside from a little tired patch in the afternoon, seemed fine. This morning, still stuffy and we sent her to school. They called me by noon to pick her up. Her teacher said she didn’t have her normal energy level and that she asked to go home during recess.

She actually didn’t seem that wiped out this afternoon. She was actually really frustrated that I wouldn’t let her have a playdate. I kind of think she may have allergies, but who’s to know and wouldn’t it be a stupid mistake to send her into the germ fest that school is when her immune system in compromised. Truth is, we don’t know what her counts are. They increased her chemo two weeks ago and that alone could be affecting her counts. Also, you never know what a cold could do to her. We’ve seen infections and viruses make her counts go sky high and we’ve seen them wipe them out. So, difficult to make any kind of educated guess about the right thing to do without a true counts check.

We go in for our monthly clinic visit on Thursday so we’ll keep her out of school until then to be safe. If her counts are good, she can go to school Friday, but she’ll start steroids Thursday morning, so who knows whether she’ll feel like going.

It’s so hard to make a good call in this situation. Inevitably, you go with the choice that keeps her from ending up dying from some cold gone bad, even if it means you feel like you’re slaying her psyche in the process. Seriously, this is the way we think. She senses my lack of conviction in the decision to keep her at home and begs and wheedles for playdates, school or anything that gets her around kids. I don’t understand it, so I don’t know how she’s supposed to.

I feel like this is a blow I had prepared myself for and I don’t feel too surprised by it. Discouraged maybe, but not surprised. I hate that she’s having to stay home most of the week after such a small taste of freedom, but I’m also thankful she got to have last week at all. I’m more discouraged that, after the IgG transfusion, she still seems to have caught a respiratory virus. Hopefully, that’s not the case and it’s just some spring allergies.

Tanner’s handling the disappointment okay on the surface, but is still having some behavior issues which indicate all is not as well as she claims it to be. We have an appointment with the play therapist who, mercifully, came back from vacation. Hopefully, that will help.

On the agenda tomorrow… maybe a field trip to Aunt Beth’s.

Arggghhhhhh.

Love,
Beth

4 thoughts on “Stumbling Blocks

  1. It’s a roller coaster! I know it keeps you out of breath and screaming . . .
    I’m on it with you from a distance. I love you all!!
    E.

  2. field trips are good, so i hope you can come out 🙂 also, i hope it’s just allergies. and also, when is your play therapy appointment? oh, and also hoping for normal counts tomorrow! fooey 🙁

  3. Please tell Tanner that I missed her yesterday in the computer lab. But, we want her to be healthy and she did the right thing by telling Mrs. Franklin she didn’t feel well. That was very mature. I look forward to seeing Tanner’s smile soon! 🙂
    p.s. My allergies have been bugging me since Sunday so hopefully that is all Tanner is dealing with.

  4. I hope it is nothing – not that anything is really nothing when you are dealing with cancer, but that it is something tame, like allergies. I think Becca’s started showing symptoms this week (scratching her nose, etc), so maybe the season is really kicking off. At any rate, I hope the break from school is short enough that you are all able to keep a little bit of the sanity you have regained. 🙂 I’m impressed that you have any sanity left at all. Not saying you didn’t have plenty to begin with, of course. Oh, you know what I mean. You’re amazing.

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