July 20, 2009 Did you ever hear that saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” That’s sort of how I feel about today. Tanner had yet another bad day with her behavior. John and I are worried about her… there is clearly something really bothering her and she is acting out as a result. She has certainly had tantrums before, but this feels different… somehow it feels self-destructive and desperate. I’m hoping I’ll hear from the social workers at the hospital tomorrow and get some good advice.

Having said that, we did play outside a lot today and enjoyed this beautiful weather. Went to the playground with Tanner’s best friend, Corinne and her mom and sister this morning. Brought the kids’ bikes and they had a “bike show.” Big fun.

We also went to an impromptu dinner at a neighbor’s house. She and her three kids dropped by in the afternoon to play and ended up inviting us down to her house for spaghetti and running in the sprinkler. (Thanks, Molly!)

My poor, tired husband went to bed at 8:30. He is exhausted from Tanner’s nighttime escapades and from trying to balance work and home. Last night, Tanner woke us up to ask if we would help her take a shirt off of her build-a-bear. She wanted to sleep with it and apparently the bear’s shirt was tickling her. Seemed important, I guess, to her. John just can’t go to sleep afterward and lies awake for hours.

I just wish I could make this better for Tanner. I wish she would tell us what is going on with her, instead of acting out. I wish… well, I wish she didn’t have leukemia.

Love,
Beth