October 14, 2009

We had a smooth day at clinic today. Tanner was totally nonchalant about having her port accessed and we actually had a pretty good time joking and visiting with all the nurses, doctors and the childlife specialist.

She got a dose of Vincristine and her last dose of Doxirubicin (red chemo, as Tanner calls it), thank God. She handled it really well, though, and was definitely not as sick this afternoon as she has been before. It seems like she acclimates to the chemo over time and it has less and less effect each time. She was very tired, however, at bedtime and her right leg is hurting her, so she was limping.

The biggest blow today was the doctor telling us we could not get a new dog any time soon. He wants us to get several months into long-term maintenance before introducing a new animal into the house. We were under the impression that puppies were the real issue and so we had begun to look at year-old dogs from rescue. Looking for a dog was a great distraction for all of us… it gave us something to think about besides cancer and something fun to look forward to. Tanner was pretty bummed and the doctor said, “You can hate me for it, Tanner; it’s not your Mom’s fault.” She just looked up and him and smiled and said, “I won’t hate you, Dr. Mixan, I’ll just hate the leukemia.”

I think I’m the most bummed of all. I was really looking forward to getting a new dog and I’m just mad that this stupid disease takes and takes and takes from us.

On a more positive note, the Great Pumpkin visited our house today while we were at clinic and decorated the front of our house for Halloween complete with a ghost, spider webs and giant spiders. Thanks, Aunt Kim… we know who you are! Tanner and Jake loved it.

I’m wiped out. I don’t know why clinic days, no matter how smooth, make me so tired. Something about seeing all those little pale faces and bald heads exhausts me. It’s just not fair and it never gets any easier for me to realize how many kids there are with cancer. Some look so sick it just breaks your heart.

Good grief, time to go to bed. This post is getting depressing.

Love,
Beth