October 19, 2009 Yes, it’s me in the mask. Fuzzy picture taken by Tanner, from whom I am trying to keep my throat infection germs. I tested negative for strep, but have some kind of throat thing and the doctor mercifully gave me antibiotics to try to make it go away fast before I give it to Tanner. Hence, the mask. Attractive, no?

The last two infections I have had, Tanner has also picked up. Whether we got it together or she caught it from me I don’t know, but I do know I need to stay away from her until these antibiotics have a chance to work.

As usual, my best friend, Beth, rescued me. She stayed with the kids for many hours today while I tried three different clinics and two different pharmacies to get what I needed. I literally don’t know what I would do without her. My Mom and John’s Mom are lifesavers and so willing to help, but they live 2 and 3 hours away. Beth is always there when I need her. She is family, and my kids couldn’t be any more her niece and nephew if we were related by blood.

Which brings to my point of this post, which is to acknowledge that, in order to survive something like this, you have to let go of your independence and your assertion that you can handle things without any help from anyone else. You can’t… trust me. You need help, and plenty of it. It takes a village to see a child through cancer, especially the kind that lasts 2 ½ years. I know I may not always accept help as gracefully as I should, but please know that it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it. I do… believe me. I just don’t want to need it. I think it is part of my desire to have a normal life where I didn’t need people to take care of my kids for days at a time, cook me meals, fold my laundry, etc. I want to do it all myself, but thank God for those of you who realize I can’t and do it anyway. I love you… really.

Tanner is still feeling pretty rotten. Every day she takes the steroids, she retreats a little further into herself and gets a little more limp. She lies on the sofa and watches TV or plays on her computer. If you turn off the TV, she will just lie there and stare into space or doze off. She asked John to take her to bed at 6:30 tonight, but will have trouble sleeping. Last night, she woke up 3 or 4 times, once at 3 am for some “cheesy snacks!” Thank goodness we have the prior experience with the steroids and know this is normal and will go away within several days of stopping. She only has two more days of the steroids, so I think she’ll start coming out of it Friday or Saturday. Then, she is done with steroids until she starts long-term maintenance in a month or so. But, they are a very important part of leukemia treatment and she will take them the first five days of every month for the remaining year-and-a-half of maintenance.

So, we’ll just keep renting movies and letting her lay on the sofa until they start wearing off.

I’m off to bed, hoping the antibiotics will work their magic overnight and I will feel better tomorrow.

Love,
Beth